Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Ugly Truth

So a couple weeks back I started writing about the terrible twos and having two kids under two, but I kept going back to it and saving it and was humming and haahing over actually publishing it. Then, last week I opened up that same post and started writing about patience. Again, I really felt that I didn't have the right words to explain what I was feeling and so my 'Two Under Two' blog became my 'Patience is a Virtue' blog and yet again, sat in my 'edit posts' page and stared at me. And now it still stares at me, begging for an appropriate title...

You know that time right before you fall asleep at night, when your mind is running through thoughts of the day and you feel as if everything is clear. You have all the answers to the puzzles. This is often the time I think about how tomorrow I am going to eat healthy, lose weight, actually put on makeup...yadda, yadda,'s my super-hero mind frame that I usually don't have during the day.

Do you ever have those 'Ahhh' moments, or is it just me?

I wish my super-hero mind frame lasted all day. I would be happier and my kids would be happier too I'm sure. I usually start my day out on the right foot. But as the hours tick on, I think my positive mojo goes downhill. Maybe it is the pile of folded laundry that gets unfolded. The crumbs on the floor where I just swept. The dishes that keep piling up. For me, the final straw is tripping over a toy; that's all it takes for me to switch from good parent to bad parent.

Deep Breaths.

Are my expectations too high? Am I trying to be the 60's TV show mom who has it all together? We all know she doesn't really exist... right? It's like a blogger who only shows you the good stuff. We all have bad stuff too, right? It's just that in blog land you get to omit the ugly things and concentrate on the pretty things. You can paint a fantastic picture of what your life is like, and nobody would every really know the truth.

Well, here is my blog on the 'truth,' the cold UGLY truth.

The truth is... my house usually looks like this.

The truth is... I only shower every other day.

The truth is... I use chocolate to make myself feel better and end up feeling worse after I eat it.

The truth is... I don't have a job to go back to once my maternity leave is up.

The truth is...I've been having a hard time with Gray-terrible twos or the new arrival of Westyn, or a combination of both?

The truth is... I don't give Mike enough credit on how great a dad he is.

The truth is... that I am too hard on myself if things are not perfect.

The truth is... I still expect things to be perfect.

And the real ugly truth...

I got into a car accident this past weekend. With both my kids in the back seat. It was my fault. I was distracted. I was so preoccupied with daily stupid crap that I put myself and my family in a horrible situation that could have been a whole lot worse then it was. We were lucky.

To cut a long story short, racking your brain on details of an accident, the who, what, when, very tiring. I am tired of being tired. In reality the only person who can change my day is me. So it's up to me to make changes. What changes, you ask? I am not sure. I am not sure I have a conclusion to my Ugly Truth Blog. But it does have to do with slowing down. Realizing, that I have 7 days a week to spend with two great little boys and 7 days a week to cherish what life has given me.

So I guess in the blur of life, it takes the ugly things to make you appreciate the pretty things.

Pretty things like this:

And it's all worth it. It's worth it to be able to see this. To experience these moments.
Two brothers getting to know each other

First smiles

First popsicles

And the cure for anything- LAUGHTER


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